


Infinity

by soullessfollower98



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Cancer, Lung Cancer, M/M, Mavin, tfios au, the fault in our stars au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2234376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soullessfollower98/pseuds/soullessfollower98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terminal and depressed, Gavin Free wants to be alone. He's determined not to hurt more people than he has to. But when he meets Michael Jones, he starts to reconsider that decision.<br/>(Based off of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KatieNicole76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieNicole76/gifts).



This is not what Gavin wanted to be doing today.

He didn’t know why Griffon was making him do this. Why did he need friends? Having friends would just make things worse. It would complicate things. He would just be hurting more people. He was already going to hurt Geoff and Griffon.

It wasn’t his decision on if he had to hurt them or not. They were his parents, for all intents and purposes, and he was going to destroy them one day. Some days he tried to keep that day as far away as possible, some days he wouldn’t care if it was the following afternoon.

Griffon pulled the car into the church parking lot, where the Cancer Support Group he was being forced to attend was being held. This was the first meeting Gavin had gone to in awhile. He hadn’t gone because of sheer exhaustion, and just not wanting to go.

He glanced at Griffon, and she was smiling at him, like she fully expected him to be happy about this. He wasn’t.

“This is bollocks,” he mumbled, looking away from her.

He heard her sigh. “Gavin, I just want you to try and enjoy yourself.”

“And going to Cancer Support Group will be _fun_?”

“If you make it fun.”

Gavin just sat there and didn’t say anything else. He didn’t want to hear anymore of her optimism. He knew he was going to die. Yeah, sure, it’d be fun to have a lot of friends to hang out with while he still could, but then what? He’d crush even more people. It just wasn’t worth it.

He pushed open the door and slowly got out, carefully lifting his oxygen tank out too, and setting it on the ground. Gavin knew Griffon wanted to help, but the last time she’d tried to, Gavin had ordered her away, calling her a pleb in the process.

When Gavin was fully out of the car and situated in the parking lot, he looked at Griffon. She was watching him, of course, and she smiled. “Have fun! Make friends!”

He rolled his eyes and turned and started walking away, calling over his shoulder, “Sure thing, Griffon!”

The building he was going into wasn’t that impressive. And he wasn’t even staying on the main level. The support group was held in the basement.

As Gavin was walking through the door he looked behind him, making sure his oxygen tank was stable and not in danger of tipping over. When he turned back around, he was face first in a stranger’s chest, and he quickly backed up, almost stumbling over his tank.

When he looked up, he was met with the face of an angry looking boy. He had glasses, and Gavin could see freckles scattered about his face. His hair was auburn and curly, just falling above his glasses.

Gavin opened his mouth, about to say _something_ , but then the boy said, while walking away, “Fucking watch it, asshole.”

He blinked a couple times, not knowing what to say. Barely anyone was mean to Gavin. Maybe that had a lot to do with the fact that most of the time, Geoff and Griffon were the only two people he saw. Whenever he saw anybody else, they were always obnoxiously nice to him. Even if he was a complete asshole to them (or “dickweasel,” as Geoff had put it once), they would still just smile or say, “I hope you get better soon, Gavin.”

He wanted to tell them he wasn’t going to get better. He wanted to scream at them that he was going to die and that them being nice to him wasn’t going to change that. He wanted them to treat him like a _normal human being_.

But they wouldn’t. And that was just one of the side effects of dying.

Gavin slowly made his way to the basement. Stairs weren’t exactly his forte, but for now it was alright because he was going down them. Going up would be the real struggle, and he hoped he could find someone to help him.

When he made his way into the room where the group was meeting, he saw that mostly everyone was there already. The group leader, a nice man named Jack Pattillo, looked at him and smiled widely.

“Gavin! It’s really nice to see you. Please, have a seat.”

Gavin smiled a little in response, then sat down in one of the few remaining empty chairs. A boy named Ray, who Gavin would consider an acquaintance, waved at him, and Gavin gave him a little wave back. Ray was a Hispanic boy with black hair and black glasses. His nickname was Brown Man, which Gavin always thought was silly, because he wasn’t really brown at all.

Jack looked around the room, then at Ray. “Is Michael still coming?”

“Yeah, he just had to go get something from his car,” Ray said. “He’ll be back soon.”

Gavin wondered who Michael was. He had seen all of the people in this room before. He knew their names, their stories. Ray had lost one of his eyes due to eye cancer, and it was replaced with a glass one. Jack had survived prostate cancer, but had lost his testicles in the process. He didn’t like to mention that part much. There was a girl named Lindsay with kind green eyes, who was very friendly, who had leukemia.

But Gavin had never heard of any Michael.

The group just quietly talked amongst themselves for a few minutes, Gavin not speaking to anybody. Sometimes Lindsay talked to him, but she looked tired today, and he didn’t want to bother her. Ray would often talk to him, but today he was sitting next to Jack, so they were deep in conversation.

Gavin heard footsteps coming from the doorway, and when he looked up, he saw the boy who had called him an asshole earlier. Except this time he didn’t look angry. He was looking at Ray and smiling, and then he walked over and took a seat next to him.

“Michael!” Jack said happily. “You made it!”

Gavin’s eyes widened. _He_ was the Michael Jack and Ray had been talking about?

Michael looked around the room, then he locked eyes with Gavin. They just stared at each other, Gavin not sure if he should glare at him or look scared. Michael’s expression stayed the same, neutral, and Gavin looked away from him, down at his hands.

“So how are we all doing today?” Jack asked, and there were mumbles and groans in response. Did Jack honestly expect anybody to be feeling _good_? “Well, we have a new group member today. Michael, stand up, introduce yourself.”

Gavin looked up just as Michael was standing, and they locked eyes again, but only for a second.

“I’m Michael, uh, Michael Jones, and I’ve been in remission for about a year.”

Gavin looked back down at his hands, uninterested. He didn’t want to hear about how great it felt knowing you were going to live a long and happy life.

“I had Osteosarcoma, and that caused me to lose my right leg, as you can, uh, see.” Gavin heard the noise of fabric being moved, and when he glanced up, Michael was lifting his right pant leg up. There was indeed a prosthetic leg instead of a real one, and when Gavin looked at Michael’s face, he looked nervous.

“How difficult was it to adapt to not having a right leg, Michael?” Jack asked.

“It was pretty hard.” Michael pushed his pant leg back down. “It took a long time, but I think I finally have the whole walking thing down.”

Gavin smiled a little. Nobody ever attempted to make jokes in here. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure Michael meant that to be a joke. But it had made him smile.

“Thank you, Michael,” Jack said, and Michael sat down, looking relieved. Jack looked around the room, then his eyes focused on Gavin. “Gav, how are you doing today?”

Gavin wanted to cringe at the nickname. Not that he didn’t like Jack, he thought he was very nice, but it just seemed too friendly and familiar.

Nevertheless, Gavin said, sarcastically, “I’m doing tippity toppers, Jack.”

Michael smirked a little, but Jack just sighed.

Gavin wanted to get mad. He wanted to scream at Jack for asking such stupid questions. Was he expecting Gavin to be _good?_ Was he expecting him to be _fine?_ _Okay? Dandy? Peachy?_

_Tippity fucking toppers?_

He wasn’t.

He was dying. Half of the people in the room were dying.

Gavin wasn’t _okay_.

Jack had moved onto someone else by now, most likely noticing Gavin’s sour mood. Gavin tuned everyone out for the rest of the group session, just wanting to be at home, playing Minecraft on his Xbox. When it was finally over, Gavin got up as quickly as he could and made his way over to the stairs. He probably should have waited until everyone else was gone, so he could take his time and not overexert himself, but he just wanted to get home.

As he stepped onto the first step, he heard an unfamiliar voice call from behind him, “Gavin?”

Gavin turned around to see Michael standing in front of the empty seats, Ray and Jack behind him, talking again. He looked calm. Neutral. Like he had before.

Hesitantly, Gavin took a step towards him. “Yes?”

“I’m really sorry about before.” Michael moved closer to him, so they were only a couple feet away from each other now. “I was a real dick. I didn’t realize you-”

“Had cancer?” Gavin interrupted, feeling himself beginning to get agitated.

“Well…” Michael looked unsure now, and he ran a hand through his curls. “Yeah.”

“You wouldn’t have been an ass if you knew I had cancer?”

“No, no, of course not.”

“Right, right.” Gavin turned away from him and made his way back to the stairs, mentally preparing himself for the treacherous climb up.

“Wait, Gavin!”  He heard Michael’s footsteps come closer to him, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Gavin turned around and glared at him, and Michael let go of him, looking surprised.

“Sod off.” Gavin faced the stairs again, and took a step onto the first one. Michael didn’t say anything else, but Gavin didn’t hear him walk away either. He just ignored him and slowly took step after step until he was on the main floor again. He was breathing heavily, and he leaned against the wall, letting his lungs calm down.

He heard someone come up the stairs, and it was, of course, Michael. He looked at him, then walked over to him, looking unsure.

Gavin opened his mouth, about to tell him off, but Michael held up a hand, and Gavin closed his mouth.

“It wouldn’t be just because you have cancer,” Michael said. “Ray told me you were a pretty cool guy. I was excited to meet you. I just…didn’t know what you looked like.”

“Why were you so angry?” Gavin asked, his voice weak. He was still catching his breath.

“I left a game in my car that I was supposed to return to Ray. He let me borrow it.” Gavin was sure he looked confused, so Michael added, “I get frustrated quickly.”

“Oh.” Gavin looked towards the door of the church. There was no doubt in his mind that Griffon was already out there waiting for him. She was always early, since she never wanted Gavin to have to wait around.

“Gavin?” Gavin looked back at Michael. “Do you have to be somewhere?”

“My mom is here to pick me up.”

“Oh, okay.” Michael looked a bit sad now.

“Why?”

“I was gonna invite you over. To play some Xbox. Ray tells me you like Minecraft?”

Gavin didn’t even remember mentioning that to Ray. “Yeah, I do.”

“Yeah, so, I want to make it up to you. Show you that I’m not really a bad guy.”

Gavin felt like saying yes. He knew Griffon would be more than happy that he had made a friend. (Even though Michael wasn’t really his friend.) He knew she’d let him go.

Michael was watching Gavin, and this time he looked hopeful. If Gavin said yes, it would make him happy.

Gavin felt himself smile a little. “Let me go talk to my mom.”


	2. Chapter 2

“So, what’s your story?”

Michael and Gavin were in Michael’s car, going to Michael’s house. As expected, Griffon had more than happily said yes to Gavin’s request to go, and she told him to text her when he wanted to be picked up.

It was two in the afternoon, the sun blinding but the day undeniably beautiful. Most days were like that in Austin. Luckily, today wasn’t too hot.

“Well,” Gavin said, answering Michael’s question, “I was diagnosed when-”

“No, no, not that,” Michael interrupted. “You can’t let your cancer define you. I want your _real_ story.”

Gavin had to think about that. He couldn’t remember the last time someone wanted his real story. The story of the British boy who moved to America. All he’d been telling for the past two years was the story of the British boy who got cancer in America.

“I moved here when I was fifteen,” Gavin began. “It was originally for a foreign exchange student program. I was supposed to take one year of high school here, then go back. When I was sixteen I was diagnosed, and my host parents, Griffon and Geoff, got doctors for me. I had to stay here. Not that I mind it, I love Geoff and Griffon, but I do miss my parents. They come out and visit as much as they can.”

“Why did you have to stay here?”

“My parents don’t have enough money. They wouldn’t be able to pay for my treatments. I would be dead if I was with them.” Gavin hadn’t wanted to be so blunt, but it had just come out that way.

Michael glanced over at him, then back at the road. “What do you like to do?”

“Uh. I play Minecraft, like Ray told you.”

“That’s it?” Michael pulled into the driveway of a moderately sized house, then turned off his car and looked at Gavin.

“I mean, I’m in college, but it’s summer, so I don’t have any classes.”

“You’re in college?” Michael sounded surprised. “How old are you?”

“Eighteen. I graduated early.”

Now he looked impressed. “Wow. A college boy.”

Gavin felt himself smiling again. “What, you’ve never seen one?”

“I’ve never seen a British one.”

“I guess you don’t have many Brits in Texas, do you?” Gavin opened the car door and slowly got out, pulling his oxygen tank with him. He watched Michael get out, pretty quickly, and Gavin was pretty sure that if he hadn’t seen the prosthetic leg, the thought of Michael having one would have never crossed his mind.

“Not really. There’s even less in Jersey.” Michael came around to the passenger side of the car and leaned against the side of it. “This is it. Casa de la Jones.” He gestured to the house, which was actually very nice. It was white, with a breezeway separating the house and the garage. It was two stories high, and symmetrical. There were two windows on either side of the second story, and four on the first. There was a red door in between the windows on the bottom floor. Both the garage and the main house had a dark brown roof.

“It’s very nice,” Gavin said, and Michael smiled, looking pleased.

“Thanks. C’mon.” He started walking towards the breezeway, where Gavin could see there was another door. He followed him, his oxygen tank rolling along behind him, and when they got to the door, Michael held it open for him.

When Gavin stepped into the house, the first thing he noticed was the extreme openness of the room. There weren’t a lot of walls, and there were hardwood floors everywhere except the kitchen, which had tile.

There were two people in the living room, a man and a woman, watching TV on a decent sized flat screen. They were sitting on a sofa, and on either side of them were two chairs, so that they formed kind of a circle around the TV. When Michael closed the door behind him, they both looked up, their eyes focusing on Gavin for a few seconds, then on Michael.

“Hi, honey,” the woman said, her voice kind and sweet. “Who’s this?”

“Gavin. He’s one of Ray’s friends.”

Her face lit up at the mention of Ray. “Oh, Ray! Well if he knows him, he must be alright! Come in, sit down.”

Gavin slowly walked further into the house and sat down in the nearest chair. If his lungs hadn’t been failing him, he would’ve continued to stand near Michael. But they were, and he had been starting to feel lightheaded, so he knew sitting down would probably be best.

“How do you know Ray, Gavin?” the man asked, while the woman turned off the TV. Then they were both just staring at him, and he knew Michael was watching him from behind, too.

“Uh, I met him at support group. We usually sit next to each other.” Really, Gavin was never in the mood for much talking, so he didn’t know why Ray held him in such high regards. But it made Gavin feel nice, so he appreciated it.

The woman, who, at this point, Gavin could only assume was Michael’s mom, nodded a few times, then said, “Isn’t it a shame about his eyes?”

Gavin furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth, about to say something along the lines of “ma’am he only lost one of his eyes” when Michael said, “Mom, I don’t think Ray told him yet.”

Gavin turned around and looked at him, and he could feel the confusion on his face.

Michael sighed a little, looking distressed. “Ray’s cancer came back. He has to have surgery on his other eye. He’ll be blind.”

“Oh.” Gavin felt like he wasn’t supposed to know that. He and Ray were just acquaintances, not friends (Gavin didn’t have any of those), so it was no surprise that he didn’t tell him that he would be going blind in the near future.

He turned back around to face Michael’s mom, who now looked sad. Michael’s dad (he was assuming) was rubbing her back, comforting her. Gavin immediately felt uncomfortable, like he was intruding on some intimate family moment. He looked at Michael, wondering if he could go home without making him too upset.

Michael was looking at his parents, but then he looked down at Gavin. “C’mon, Gavin. I promised you Minecraft, didn’t I?”

He had. Gavin stood up, and Michael started walking towards a door that was to the right of the kitchen. Gavin followed him, pulling his tank behind him, and he quickly glanced at Michael’s parents, to see if they were looking. But they weren’t. Michael’s mom still looked upset, and she was now in an embrace with Michael’s father.

Gavin continued to follow the curly haired boy, and he was leading him into a basement.

He sighed internally. More stairs.

The room they ended up in was a finished basement, complete with a TV, sofa, and a bookcase full of videogames. Under the TV there was an Xbox and a Playstation, with the corresponding controllers beside them.

“Welcome to my room.”

Gavin looked over at Michael, who was looking around the room, smiling fondly.

“This is your room?” Gavin asked, walking over to the sofa and sitting down. It was actually pretty comfortable, so he leaned back against it and took a deep breath.

“Yep.” Michael went over to the TV, turned on the Xbox, then grabbed two controllers and sat down next to Gavin. He turned both of them on, then handed one to him.

Gavin watched Michael maneuver the Xbox home screen, signing into Xbox Live and then bringing up Minecraft. He created a new world, then starting typing “gavin” in as the seed.

Michael looked at him. “What’s your name?”

“Gavin?”

“No, dumbass. Full name.”

“Oh. Gavin David Free.” Gavin watched as Michael typed in “gavindavidfree” and started loading the world.

When it finished loading, they found themselves in the middle of a jungle. Michael started breaking trees, and Gavin looked around. In the distance he saw a stone structure.

“Michael,” he said, “I think I found a jungle temple.”

“What?” Michael moved his character next to Gavin’s. “Holy shit, you did. I’ve only ever found like three of those.”

“It must’ve been the seed.” Gavin started walking towards the temple, Michael’s character moving along next to him.

“Hey, wait, Gavin, watch out, there’s-” Michael stopped talking when Gavin fell, dropping right into a pool of lava. Gavin squealed, frantically pressing buttons, and accidentally switched to third person, but it was no use. The death screen came up on Gavin’s side of the TV, and he just sat there, staring at it.

“Wow. We weren’t even playing for a full minute and you’re already dead. You’re fucking lucky we’re five feet away from the spawn point.”

Gavin felt his face heat up, and he looked down at his lap. “Shut up.”

Michael laughed, then pressed the respawn button on Gavin’s controller, and his character reappeared, a couple blocks away from Michael.

They played for the next couple hours, and Gavin was surprised to be actually enjoying himself. He had never played Minecraft with other people, he only built things on creative mode by himself.

Usually it took awhile.

When it was dinner time, Griffon texted Gavin, saying that she needed Michael’s address so she could pick him up.

Gavin looked at Michael, who was staring at the TV screen in concentration, as he was enlarging their already oversized house.

“Hey Michael?”

Michael looked over at him, the focus fading from his face and being replaced by happiness. “Hey.”

“I need your address.” He looked confused, so Gavin added, “So my mom can pick me up.”

“Oh! Yeah, sure. It’s 1710 Green Avenue.”

Gavin texted that to Griffon, in which she replied, “Got it. See you soon.”

He looked back up at the TV screen, where Michael’s character was running around, cutting down trees. Gavin opened up his settings, then left the game, so now Michael could play full screen.

But instead of happily enjoying the larger screen, he paused his game and looked at Gavin.

They just looked at each other, much like they had during support group, except this time Gavin knew what expression to have on his face.

He smiled.

Michael smiled back at him, then took Gavin’s controller and put it next to him on the sofa.

“Did you like Minecrafting with me?” he asked, and Gavin could swear that he heard a little bit of nervousness in his voice.

“I did,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie. Usually Gavin would have to lie when answering questions like that, because he didn’t want to offend the asker with his depressing answers.

“Good. You’ll have to come over again sometime.” Michael looked at the TV screen and started flipping through all the games that he had on his Xbox. It was a considerable amount of games, and Gavin caught a glimpse of a Minecraft mod, which reminded him of one that he had played before.

“Hey Michael?”

“Hey Gavin.”

“I know a really good Minecraft mod you should play.”

“Oh?” Michael glanced at him, then back at the TV.

“Yeah. It’s called the Impossible mod. Try it.” Gavin paused, then added. “You’ll fail.”

“I’ll fail because you did?”

“Yeah, it’s hard as knobs.”

“Considering you died six times on _easy_ , I can imagine it would be.”

“Michael!” Gavin whined. “Three of the six times weren’t my fault.” Gavin had, of course, fallen in lava the first time, then the next two deaths he had were from Michael killing him. The last three were a combination of falling off cliffs and drowning.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Michael looked at Gavin and grinned, and he couldn’t help but smile back.


	3. Chapter 3

Gavin unlocked his phone, then looked at his most recently added contact.

Michael Jones.

At some point during their Minecraft endeavors, they had exchanged phone numbers. Which, truthfully, seemed pretty pointless to Gavin, considering he almost never used his phone. The only time he did was when either Griffon or Geoff texted him, which was only when he was out of the house. Which wasn’t often.

But, still, as the family of three ate their dinner, Gavin found himself constantly checking his phone. He didn’t know why, either. It’s not like Michael was _actually_ going to text him. The only reason he had invited him over was because he had been a dick earlier and he wanted to make it up to him.

And Gavin was alright with that. Yeah, he had had fun, but it was better if they didn’t hang out again.

Still, he checked his phone all throughout dinner.

It was at nine, when Gavin was going to bed, that his phone flashed on and lit up his dark room.

He picked it up and saw that it was a text from Michael.

“This game is easy.”

Gavin texted back, probably sooner than socially acceptable, saying, “Oh, so you’re playing it?”

“Yeah. I’m already on round six. How many rounds are there?”

“Ten.” It was round eight that Gavin could never get past. It wasn’t because he wasn’t good either. He had played the level more times than he could count and he still couldn’t do it.

“Only ten? That’ll be easy. Round seven now.”

Gavin didn’t text anything back; he just waited. He _knew_ Michael would get stuck on eight. If he didn’t, he would be genuinely impressed.

Videogame Michael was very different from Support Group Michael. Videogame Michael was cocky, very sure of his abilities. Support Group Michael was nervous, kind of shy, but still outgoing enough to talk to Gavin.

He didn’t know which Michael he liked better.

Ten minutes after sending his last text, Michael said, “What the fuck”

Gavin giggled softly. “What’s wrong, Michael?”

“Gavin what the fuck is this”

He was smiling again. It felt strange, foreign. His face wasn’t used to using those muscles.

“I can’t do round eight. I’ve done it ten times.”

“Only ten?”

Gavin was still smiling, his face hurting a little bit from it, waiting for Michael’s reply. He could imagine him, sitting in his basement, angrily mashing buttons, trying to complete the round. He himself had done that, except he didn’t really get mad, he had just sighed and given up.

His phone flashed on again, but this time it wasn’t a text.

_Michael Jones is calling_

Gavin just stared at the screen, a million things going through his mind.

Why was Michael _calling_ him? Did he really wanna talk? Isn’t that what _friends_ did?

Would Geoff and Griffon hear him talking?

He pressed the answer button, then held the phone up to his ear and quietly said, “Hello?”

“Goddammit, Gavin!” Michael sounded angry, like he did when they had first met each other. “I can’t do this fucking level!”

“I can’t either.”

“You’re not good at Minecraft. I am. I should be able to do this.”

Gavin wasn’t offended. It was true, he was terrible at Minecraft. He could build things though. “It’s called the Impossible Mod for a reason, Michael.”

“Fucking shit, you say my name like _Micool_ because of your goddamned adorable British accent. _Fuck_! I died again!”

Gavin didn’t say anything. He just stared at his door, trying to work out his thoughts.

Michael thought his accent was adorable? Nobody had ever said that before. Geoff called it annoying a couple times because of all the British slang he used. Griffon had called it charming, but that was just a motherly thing. No, no one had ever called it adorable before.

“Gavin?” Michael asked, bringing him out of his mind.

“Y-Yeah?” His voice was weak. He coughed. “Yeah?”

“This game is terrible.”

Gavin laughed a little, a little noise that just burst out of him. “It is, isn’t it?”

“Who the fuck created this?” Michael was silent for a moment. “ _Gus Sorola_? Who is that?”

“A game designer. He creates lots of Minecraft mods, both for the Xbox and the computer. He’s brilliant.” Gavin always loved when Gus came out with a new mod. He had come out with some interesting ones, that’s for sure. The Impossible Mod was the first one that Gavin had ever played.

“Brilliant? How is this piece of shit brilliant?”

“He has other stuff too, you donut. All of his mods are amazing.”

“Hm.” Michael was silent for a moment, then he said, “I’ll have to check out his stuff, then.”

Gavin was smiling yet again. “Good.”

Suddenly Gavin’s door opened, and Geoff stuck his head in. “Gav?”

He quickly shoved his phone under the covers. “Yes?”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Nobody.”

“I saw you with your phone. Now how about you don’t lie?”

Gavin sighed. “I was talking to Michael.” He had been right. Gavin did say his name like _Micool._

“Who?”

“Geoff, I went over to his house.”

Recognition lit up Geoff’s face. “Oh! Michael, yeah. Is he the reason you were obsessively checking your phone at dinner?”

“Geoff…” Gavin whined. He hoped that Michael couldn’t hear any of their conversation.

Geoff grinned, then leaned against the doorframe, looking comfortable. “You’re not in trouble. I was just wondering who you were talking to. Did I hear you laugh earlier?”

“No.”

“I think I did.” Geoff walked away, shutting Gavin’s door as he did so.

Gavin quickly pulled his phone out from under his covers and put it back up to his ear, hoping that Michael hadn’t hung up. “Hello?”

“Obsessively checking your phone, huh? Didn’t know you were so smitten with me.”

Gavin silently cursed Geoff and he felt his cheeks heat up. “T-That’s not, I didn’t mean, I-I don’t-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Michael said, interrupting him. “It’s okay. I was joking.”

Gavin just bit his lip, not saying anything.

Michael didn’t _like_ him, did he?

Gavin had only ever been in one relationship. It was back in England, before he moved to the States. He was fourteen, and his boyfriend, Dan, had been fifteen. They weren’t serious, because really, fourteen and fifteen year olds couldn't be, but Gavin remembered him fondly.

After he was diagnosed, he never even thought about being in another relationship. How was it fair, to make someone care about him, then just…die? He already beat himself up about doing it to Geoff and Griffon. All they thought they were getting was a dorky foreign exchange student.

Now they had a terminal cancer patient.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Michael yelled, causing Gavin to jump a little. “This fucking _game_! I can’t do it. I can’t. I’m done with this piece of shit.” Gavin heard a soft thud, then Michael taking a deep breath.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Michael was silent for a minute, then he added, “Sorry for yelling.”

“It’s okay. It’s actually kind of funny.”

“Really?” Michael asked, his voice still normal. Gavin couldn’t detect any agitation at all.

“Yeah. You’re just funny.”

“Well,” Michael said, “I’m glad I could entertain you, Mr. Free.”

Gavin giggled again, the noise sounding odd to him. “Me too.”

They talked for a couple more hours, until Gavin began to periodically drift off. Michael made fun of him, calling him an idiot, but Gavin wasn’t offended. He could hear the fondness in his voice, so he knew Michael wasn’t _really_ calling him an idiot. Only kind of.

Michael said goodnight to him at 11:30 PM, and Gavin said back to him, “Nighty night, _Micool._ ”


	4. Chapter 4

“So, this Gus Sorola guy…”

“Yeah?”

“I played some of his other mods…”

Gavin crossed his arms over his chest. “Get on with it, you pleb.”

Michael grinned. “They are some pretty kickass mods, I gotta say.”

“See! I told you. He’s fantastic.”

Michael laughed a little, his eyes bright behind his glasses, and every freckle on his face seeming to stand out. “This is the most excited I’ve ever seen you.”

“I’m very passionate about videogames, Michael.” Gavin had taken to saying Michael’s name more, ever since he had called it adorable. Gavin just…wanted to. He couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t explain why he loved the soft, sweet smile Michael would give him when he did. He wouldn’t explain the flutter in his stomach every time he saw that certain smile.

“I can see that.” Michael pulled into the driveway of his house, then turned off the car, leaned back in his seat, and looked at Gavin.

It was Wednesday, two weeks since they had met. They had just come from Support Group, and again, Griffon had happily complied to letting him go over to Michael’s house.

Both of his American parents were ecstatic that he had made a friend. For a few days Gavin had tried to deny that Michael was his friend, even though he himself knew that was a lie, and Griffon and Geoff knew it too. But one night, after they had stayed up until two in the morning playing Minecraft, and as Gavin was lying in bed, he couldn’t deny it.

Michael Jones was his friend.

It wasn’t _so_ bad.

Gavin smiled at Michael, then opened the door and slowly got out of the car. He picked up his oxygen tank and set it down next to him, and then he looked over to see Michael get out of the car. He got out with ease, like he had the week before, and Gavin wondered if he was still taking a physical therapy class.

When they got inside the house, everything was exactly the same. The only difference was that Michael’s parents were not on the sofa, but instead in the kitchen.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Mrs. Jones turned around and looked at them, and looked delighted at the sight of Gavin. “Oh, Gavin! How nice to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Jones.”

She waved her hand in a dismissive manner. “Please, honey, call me Wendy.” She turned back to whatever she was doing at the kitchen counter. “I’m making an early dinner. I hope you boys don’t mind?”

Gavin just looked at Michael, who said, “Of course not, mom. We’ll be downstairs,” and started walking towards the basement door. Gavin followed him down the stairs, and when they were at the bottom, his lungs were screaming.

He was definitely more out of breath than usual, but he tried to ignore it and quickly made his way over to the sofa. When he sat down, he looked over and noticed Michael staring at him.

“What?” he asked, his voice breathy and quiet.

“Are you okay?” Michael walked over and sat down next to him. “You look pained.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay.” Gavin took a deep breath. “Just, you know, lungs.”

Michael nodded a little, and Gavin looked down at his hands, and just focused on catching his breath. He would have to remind himself to mention this to Geoff and Griffon. They always urged him to tell them whenever he was feeling bad, different, etc. This would qualify for bad.

It was just a matter of time, anyway. Experimental drugs couldn’t work forever.

Gavin looked back up at Michael, and he was staring at him, like before. Except this time he didn’t see concern in his eyes, just…fondness.

“Why are you staring at me?”

Michael smirked a little. “Your nose is big.”

“That’s why you’re staring at me?”

“It’s kinda cute.”

Gavin quickly looked away from him, feeling his cheeks start to heat up.

Why did Michael keep saying things like that? Was he flirting with him? Couldn’t he see that Gavin wasn’t worth it? He was just going to die one day, and if Michael felt that way about him, it would just devastate him more than necessary.

Gavin wondered why he was even doing this. Doing this _friendship_ thing. For two years he’d told himself not to have friends, and for most of the two years, he hadn’t wanted to. He’d only ever had acquaintances, and he was perfectly fine with that.

But now, just because some funny, charming, (cute, when Gavin would admit to himself that he felt that way), boy came along he was throwing all that out the window? He was doing the world a favor! He was reducing the casualties that he would cause when his pitiful life came to an end. Couldn’t that just be appreciated and not questioned?

“Gavin?” Michael asked softly, and Gavin looked at him. “Did I upset you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Gavin ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “No, no, you didn’t, I’m just…I have to leave. I have to go.”

Michael looked alarmed. “What? Why?”

“Because I…because…because we can’t be friends!” Gavin quickly stood up, grabbing his tank and putting it over his shoulder. He started to walk towards the stairs, but he felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he turned around, Michael was looking at him with a strange expression he couldn’t place. Did he look…afraid?

“What did I do?” he asked quietly. “If it’s because I call you an idiot, I’m sorry, I can stop that. You’re not an idiot.”

“No, Michael, I can’t have friends. I shouldn’t have friends.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a bomb!” Gavin didn’t mean to yell, but it was like he couldn’t control what he was saying. It was just pouring out of him. “I’m a bomb, and I’m going to explode, and I’m already hurting Geoff and Griffon, and I don’t want to hurt you too! You don’t deserve that, Michael. You’re too good to be hurt by someone as worthless as me.”

Michael looked sad now. “Gavin, I-”

“I’m leaving, Michael!” Gavin turned away from him, and he felt Michael’s hand leave his shoulder. He quickly, more quickly than he should’ve, went up the stairs, and started making his way to the door. He heard Mrs. Jones say something to him, but he didn’t stay in the room long enough to respond to her. He opened the door and walked out, pulling it closed behind him. A part of him wondered if he was too forceful, but the majority of him didn’t care.

The spot on his shoulder that Michael had touched felt colder than the rest of his body.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Geoff’s number, his lungs beginning to scream at him again.

“Hello?”

“Geoff, come get me, please,” Gavin said, his voice weak.

“Gav? Are you okay? Have you been running?”

“Geoff, please, come get me. My chest…” Gavin couldn’t finish his sentence. There was a stabbing pain in his chest, and suddenly, he couldn’t breathe at all.

“Gavin, relax, it’s okay. I’ll be right there. Sit down and just try to relax.”

He sat down on the curb, despite knowing he should probably go back to Michael’s. But he just couldn’t. Not after the dramatic exit he made.

He didn’t know if he would ever talk to Michael again.

But that was probably for the better.

Right?


	5. Chapter 5

Gavin always hated the feeling of a tube in his side.

Truthfully, he didn’t know someone who _liked_ it, but it would make it easier if he didn’t dislike it so much.

His lungs had filled up with liquid, and by the time Geoff had come to Michael’s to get him, he’d barely been able to move. Geoff had picked him up and put him into the car, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up in the hospital.

This was the first time that his lungs had lost their shit in awhile. He’d been feeling relatively good, as good as someone who was dying could feel, and he thought maybe, just _maybe_ , he was getting better.

But he wasn’t. He was the same.

The doctors told him that the tumors had shrunk a little bit, and how that was “very good” and “promising.” But what did it matter? He was still going to die. For the past year he’d been hanging on by a thread, and that wasn’t a way to live. But there was nothing he could do.

Geoff had told Gavin that Michael had called his phone a couple times. Left a couple voicemails. The fifth time he called Geoff had answered and told Michael that he wasn’t available to talk.

Gavin had just nodded and said nothing. He didn’t wanna tell Geoff what had happened. He knew how much he and Griffon liked that Gavin was friends with Michael, and he didn’t wanna upset them.

Had he done the right thing?

A part of him, the admittedly more dominant part, screamed _yes_. Of course he had done the right thing. He was saving Michael pain. He was reducing the casualties. That’s what he had always wanted to do.

Another (smaller) part was saying no. No, he hadn’t done the right thing at all. He had just cast away the only real friend he’d made in this country.

Gavin picked up his phone from the table Geoff had set it on and turned it on. He had three voicemails from Michael.

He was just going to listen to them so he wouldn’t have a little “3” next to his phone app. Things like that always bothered him.

He tapped on the voicemail button, then held his phone up to his ear.

_#1: Gavin, it’s me. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I did, but please, let me make it up to you. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you can’t have friends._

_#2: I’m sorry if I offended you by calling you cute. I can understand if you don’t…swing that way. I was just taking a chance with you._

_#3: It wouldn’t be so bad, having my heart broken by you._

Gavin laid his phone down next to him, his heart aching. Somehow in two weeks, he’d already done it. Michael cared about him. Michael had a _crush_ on him.

And Gavin had already hurt him.

Geoff walked into the room, looking cheerful until he saw Gavin’s face. Then he immediately looked concerned. “Gav? What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

Gavin looked away from him and mumbled, “Michael has a crush on me.” When Geoff didn’t say anything for a couple seconds, he glanced up at him and saw that he was smiling again. “What?”

“That’s so cute. Oh my god Griffon will love this.” Geoff paused. “And it makes fucking sense, too. The kid would not stop calling you.”

“It’s not a good thing, Geoff!”

“Why isn’t it a good thing? Do you not like him?” Geoff sat down on the edge of Gavin’s bed. “Because that would make it awkward.”

Gavin honestly couldn’t remember telling him he was bisexual. Shouldn’t he just automatically assume that he was straight? Did he seem…not straight?

Geoff chuckled, and Gavin looked up at him. “I heard you talking to Dan when you first came here. You two were obviously ‘more than friends.’”

“Oh. Well. Dan and I broke up. Last I heard he was dating some girl.”

Geoff nodded a little, then said, “So why is Michael liking you a bad thing?”

“Because, it would just be like…purposefully hurting him. Dating him. I would be letting him care about me, letting him make all these memories with me, and then when I die, I’ll just be…taking it all away from him.”

“Gavin.” Gavin looked up at him. “You can’t live like that. I don’t want you to live like that. Saying you don’t want to date someone because you’re going to die is…it makes sense, but Gav, everybody is going to die. Anybody could die, at any time. It would be like saying you’re not going to ever be friends with anybody, because you don’t want them to hurt you if something happens to them. But that’s part of life. People are going to hurt you, and you’re going to hurt people. You can’t avoid it.”

“But I want to try, Geoff,” Gavin whined. “I want to try to not hurt people. Isn’t it the right thing to do?”

Geoff thought for a minute, then shook his head. “No. It’s not. If you had tried to pull away from Griffon and I, when you were first diagnosed, and went into Foster Care, or somewhere else, just because you didn’t wanna hurt us… It’s been worth it, Gav. It has been wonderful, getting to know you. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Geoff paused. “I will gladly be hurt by you. Griffon, too. I’m sure Michael feels the same way. Just not so…parental.”

Gavin laughed a little, and he felt himself smiling. “Thank you, Geoff.”

“Of course, Gavin.”

The two talked for a little while longer, their conversation subject changing to videogames sooner than later. They were in the middle of talking about Minecraft when Gavin’s doctor came in and told them that Gavin could go home.

Gavin was relieved. He hated being in the hospital. It reminded him how sick he actually was. At home, lounging around, playing videogames, he could almost forget.

They left at four, the sun high in the sky and no clouds to be seen. The air was warm, and Gavin kept his window open as they drove, enjoying the heat on his face. When they got home, Gavin went out to the backyard and sat down in the middle of it.

He really was a fan of summer. He was cold most of the time, since his body was under oxygenated, so being out in the heat of the Austin sun felt nice. There wasn’t anything like it in England.

Gavin lied down, the grass being a decent pillow, and pulled out his phone.

Michael hadn’t called him again, or texted him. Gavin couldn’t deny the sadness he felt.

What if Michael didn’t want anything to do with him anymore? What if he had actually pushed away the only person who had made a real effort to be his friend?

But isn’t that what he wanted? He didn’t want friends. He had never wanted friends. He was doing the world a favor.

And that was the right thing to do.

Right?

It didn’t feel right.

The thought of never talking to Michael again gave him a pain in his chest that was completely unrelated to the cancer. He’d only known him for two weeks, but they’d been the best two weeks he’d had since he’d been diagnosed. Gavin hadn’t known how much fun it was, getting to know someone. And having someone get to know him.

He’d made a mistake.


	6. Chapter 6

Gavin didn’t talk to Michael for three weeks.

For awhile, Michael called every day. Then once every few days. By the third week, he hadn’t called at all.

Gavin hadn’t left the house. He had thought about going to Support Group, but the thought of seeing either Michael or Ray immediately turned him against the idea. Geoff and Griffon both tried to get him to go, Geoff giving up faster than Griffon did.

He felt worse than he did before going to Support Group for that first time a month ago, even though everything was exactly the same. It was just him and his American parents, the way he liked it, the way he thought he wanted it. He was reducing the casualties, just like he always had, but now it hurt much more than he would’ve expected.

When Michael called for the first time that third week, Gavin took a deep breath and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Gavin?” Michael sounded surprised, definitely. “H-How…how are you? Are you…okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“Good, good. I’m glad.”

“Do you…” Gavin bit his lip, nervousness swirling around his stomach. “Do you want to come over?”

Michael sounded even more surprised. “Yeah. Yeah, sure. I would like that.”

“I live on 4358 Freewood Drive.”

“Okay. Cool. I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be in the back.” With that, Gavin hung up.

He knew what he was going to do. He was going to be _friends_ with Michael. Nothing more. It was obvious that he had already made an impression on Michael, already gotten him to like him. And they were kinda friends already. So Gavin figured that he might as well just continue on the friendship road.

It would make his life less miserable, anyway.

Gavin got out of bed and walked over so he was in front of his mirror. His hair was a mess, not its usual mess either, a true mess. He was in the clothes that he’d worn to sleep for the past few days, and his oxygen tank was running low.

He sighed a little, then wandered out into the hall. He could hear the TV coming from the living room, and when he went in, Geoff was playing Minecraft, and Griffon was watching him, telling him what to build.

Gavin cleared his throat a little, then said, “Hey guys?”

Geoff paused his game, then they both looked at him.

“Is it…is it okay if Michael comes over?” He didn’t know why he was nervous about asking. It was unlikely that they would say no, after so many weeks of them asking, “So have you talked to Michael?”

“Of course, Gav,” Geoff said. “You should get dressed though. You look like shit.”

Griffon smacked his arm. “Geoff, don’t be a _knob_.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and turned away, heading back towards his room. “I’ll be getting ready!”

He tried to get ready as fast as he could, every noise he heard sounding like a car pulling into the driveway. He made it outside in record time, although he was a little out of breath. But his oxygen tank was filled up, so he wouldn’t have to worry about that for a little while.

Since getting out of the hospital, he noticed himself breathing a little easier than he had been. Not much, though, he was definitely still dying, but he could maneuver stairs more easily than he could at Michael’s house.

A couple minutes after going out back, he heard a car pull into the driveway, then a couple seconds later the door open and shut. Then Michael Jones came into his view, walking around from the front of the house.

He still walked like a pro, Gavin only noticing his very slight limp because he was looking for it. He was wearing a black beanie, his ginger curls sticking out from the bottom. His glasses were sliding down his face, and he wrinkled his nose and pushed them up with his finger.

Gavin couldn’t help but think that he was adorable.

But in a totally platonic way.

Michael walked over to him, sitting down sort of roughly on the ground next to him. Neither of them said anything, they just sat in comfortable silence. Gavin already somehow felt better, just being in Michael’s presence.

After a while, Michael said, “Minecraft has been boring without you.”

Gavin looked at him. “Really?”

Michael glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, then looked back at Gavin’s house. “Yeah. There was nobody with me to die seven million times.”

“My deaths aren’t annoying?”

Michael smirked and looked at him. “No, they’re not. Only because you die in such weird ways.”

“Falling in lava isn’t _weird_ …”

“Accidentally dropping an anvil on yourself is.”

Gavin looked away from him, feeling his cheeks heat up and his lips curve into a smile. Michael just chuckled, then stretched out his legs and leaned back on his arms. Gavin just continued to sit Indian style, and they lapsed back into silence.

It was a partly sunny day in Austin, the sun occasionally coming out and beating down on them. It made Gavin feel warm, normal temperature, and he wondered in the back of his mind if his hand would still feel cold to Michael. It probably would.

“Why did you pick up today?” Michael suddenly asked, and when Gavin turned to look at him, Michael was already facing him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just felt lonely.” He paused, then added, quietly, “I missed you.”

A smile made its way onto Michael’s face, and he nodded a little. “I missed you too.”

Gavin smiled too, but then he felt his smile falter as he remembered what he was going to say. “Can I just.. Make a few things…clear?”

“Sure, Gavin.”

“Okay, well, for one, I just want to be friends.” He saw a flash of hurt in Michael’s eyes, but he kept going. “I don’t think any relationship that I would get into would work out. It’s nothing against you personally, Michael. It’s all me. I swear.”

Michael was quiet for a moment, then he nodded. “Okay. Just friends.”

Gavin smiled a little. “Yeah, just friends.”

They were silent again, this time Gavin feeling a little awkward about it. He was about to say something, when Michael looked over at him, his eyes bright, excited.

“Wanna play Minecraft?”

Gavin felt himself smile more. “Yeah, okay.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

Gavin grinned. “Okay.”


End file.
